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Bereavement Support What you May be Feeling

Understanding Your Feelings

When someone you love dies, life changes in ways you never imagined. How you grieve may be shaped by your culture, past experiences, personal beliefs, and traditions. You may experience emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and even physical symptoms that feel unfamiliar or overwhelming.

Everyone grieves differently—and whatever you are feeling is valid. Be patient with yourself. Allow your emotions to come and go. Care for your body and mind, and reach out to loved ones or professionals when you need support. Giving yourself permission to mourn is an important step in healing.

What You May Be Feeling

Your emotions may shift from moment to moment, sometimes returning when you least expect them. Below are some of the most common feelings people experience while grieving:

Disbelief

The death of a child or loved one can feel unimaginable. You may feel numb or shocked, with thoughts like:
 “This isn’t happening.”
 “There must be some mistake.”
 “This feels like a bad dream.”

This emotional numbness is a natural and protective response—your mind is helping you process what your heart cannot yet fully feel.

Guilt

You may find yourself questioning what you could have done differently. Parents often blame themselves for things they did or did not do. Guilt is a common—and deeply human—way of trying to make sense of something that feels senseless.

Anger

Anger is often one of the strongest and earliest grief responses. You may feel angry at your child’s doctors, at the hospital staff, your partner, other family members, yourself, or even at God. Anger is a natural reaction to helplessness and pain. You may also begin to question your spiritual or cultural beliefs, or feel disconnected from others.

Loneliness

Even when surrounded by people who care, you may still feel deeply alone in your grief. You might dream about your loved one, hear their voice, or long for them so much that it’s hard to focus on daily life.

Jealousy

Being around other caregivers or families—especially those with children close in age to yours—can be painful. You might feel jealous that they still have their children, or resentful that they seem to take that time for granted. These feelings are normal and do not make you a bad person—they are part of the grieving process.

Physical Symptoms of Grief

Grief does not only affect your emotions—it can also show up in your body. During times of deep sadness and stress, it is common to experience physical symptoms that reflect what you’re feeling inside. These are normal responses, especially in the early days and weeks after a loss.

Some common physical symptoms of grief include:

  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Intense dreams or nightmares
  • Changes in appetite—eating more or less than usual
  • Feeling physically exhausted or drained
  • Becoming sick more often
  • Anxiety, restlessness, or racing thoughts
  • Shortness of breath or feeling like you can’t catch your breath
  • Rapid heartbeat
  • Tightness in the chest or throat
  • Feeling disoriented or confused about time, place, or what you’re doing
  • Forgetfulness or trouble concentrating
  • Sensitivity to sound, especially noises connected to your loved one (like hospital monitors or alarms)
  • Dry mouth

These physical and emotional expressions of grief may ease over time, especially if you allow yourself space to feel your emotions and care for your body. If any symptoms become more intense or begin to interfere with daily life, it is a good idea to talk with your healthcare provider or a grief professional for support.

When to Seek Professional Support

Grief, while incredibly painful, is a natural response to loss—and a reflection of the deep love you have for the person who died. However, there may be times when the weight of grief feels too heavy to carry alone.

You might consider seeking professional support if you are:

  • Finding it impossible to talk about or revisit your experience
  • Having frequent nightmares or painful flashbacks
  • Feeling constantly anxious, on edge, or easily irritated
  • Struggling to get through everyday tasks due to emotional distress

These are signs that additional support may help. Speaking with a doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, or grief counselor can provide guidance and relief during this time.

For more information or referrals, you can reach out to the Grief Support Team at GriefSupport@texaschildrens.org.

If you are ever worried about your safety or the safety of someone else, please seek immediate help by calling 911 or the National Suicide Hotline at 988. Support is available 24 hours a day in both English and Spanish.

The Grief Box

Grief has been described by some as a ball inside a box with a pain button. In the beginning, the ball is so large that it constantly presses against the button—it hurts all the time. 

As you begin to cope with the loss, your life—the box—starts to grow. The grief is still there, but it takes up less space. Over time, the ball hits the pain button less frequently. However, it can still bounce around and hit the button unexpectedly—especially during significant moments like anniversaries, holidays, or milestones. When it does, the pain can feel just as sharp as it did in the early days.

The ball never fully disappears, but with support, care, and time, it can shrink. The pain may become less intense, and the ball may bounce less often. 

Sometimes, you may experience more than one loss at the same time. That can feel like multiple balls in the box, all pressing against the pain button. It might feel overwhelming and make it harder to find moments of relief. 

During these times, it can help to focus on one loss at a time, giving yourself permission to grieve at your own pace. With continued support and healing, space in the box grows—and though the grief remains, it becomes more manageable.