How to Support a Child With Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal fear-based emotion that can cause strong reactions in children that are unsettling to parents and caregivers. The way an adult responds to a child in these situations can set the stage for future episodes of anxiety and anxiety disorders. 

“Oftentimes parents are unwitting participants by facilitating avoidance and accommodating anxiety. We strive to empower parents to respond in a supportive way, validating discomfort while demonstrating confidence in their child abilities. Effective teamwork, support, and the expectation of bravery in facing anxiety-provoking situations are all an important part of therapy,” said Liza Bonin, PhD, clinical psychologist at Texas Children’s. 

Facing fears with confidence

Supporting children to mindfully observe their fear and increase their tolerance for facing that fear is important when treating anxiety that is excessive and interfering. Children who fear throwing up, for instance, learn through therapy that their fear and efforts to avoid vomiting are not effective. They can focus on safety and see their own capabilities through gradual exposure to the feared situations that they avoid, including associated body sensations, pictures, and sounds. Similarly, children who fear social situations or separation from their parents will need opportunities to practice being brave in order to learn that they can indeed handle these feared situations – and that their feared outcomes are unlikely to happen. 

Your child’s learning by doing is the key, and your support during these challenges is essential. Showing that you have confidence that your child can do something that scares them will encourage their own confidence to grow. 

Allowing your child to feel uncomfortable

What is the worst thing that happens when you are anxious? You feel anxious! 

Learning that you can face discomfort and that anxiety itself is not dangerous is important. Once children experience this through practice, they learn that their uncomfortable emotions don’t have to control what they do and how they live their lives. Parents and caregivers can promote this mindset by conveying assurance that their child can handle feeling uncomfortable. The path through rather than around anxiety is how children learn they are safe and capable.

Often, anxiety is associated with bodily sensations, such as:

• Dizziness
• Lightheadedness
• Numbness
• Rapid heartbeat

Children can find these sensations disturbing, to the point that sometimes they develop fear of the way their body responds to fear or other emotions. However, it’s important for children to learn that it is normal for bodies to make noise and these sensations aren’t dangerous. They can expect some discomfort and accept it rather than avoid it.     

“If your child can experience those sensations and/or anxiety without engaging in unproductive avoidance and safety behaviors, they’ll learn that these internal experiences are just uncomfortable, and they don’t have power over them,” said Dr. Bonin. “Overprotecting your child when they’re anxious and not allowing them to experience discomfort potentially limits their development of skills to navigate and master inherently uncomfortable challenges. The focus should not be the discomfort itself, but instead living fully despite the discomfort in service of one’s values and meaningful activities.” 

Building confidence is protective of mental health. Fostering effective facing rather than avoidance of difficult emotions can prevent a downward spiral of increasing anxiety, withdrawal from valued activities, and low mood. 

Finding professional help

A behavioral health specialist can partner with you to guide your child to better mental health and greater engagement with the world. The evidence-based treatment for anxiety disorders is called “Exposure-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” or “Exposure-Based CBT.” These therapy sessions typically include parents and caregivers so that the whole family is oriented to provide effective support. 

“We want to give parents support. This involves arming parents with valuable tools so they can encourage and shepherd their child through anxiety and toward freedom from fear,” said Dr. Bonin. 

Schedule an appointment with Texas Children’s Hospital Psychology through our online portal or by calling 832-822-1900.