Bereavement Support The Grief Journey
Understanding the Grief Journey
If you are reading this, you may be searching for answers. As the initial shock and numbness begin to fade, you might find yourself feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or empty. While nothing can make this right, you may begin to find small moments of support and healing as you navigate the pain of losing someone you love.
Many caregivers describe this time as feeling lost. Grief is often called a journey because you are trying to find your way through a world when a part of you is gone—trying to make sense of a world that has changed when a part of you is missing.
Grief experts John Bowlby and William Worden have described common experiences that may occur during the grieving process. These steps are not linear—they may overlap, repeat, or show up in different ways over time.
Acknowledging the Reality of Your Loss
Even though you know your loved one has died, it may not feel real for a while.
You might experience numbness, where you feel emotionally shut down. Or you may feel protest—anger, disbelief, or denial. These are all natural responses to loss.
For many, the loss becomes more real during moments like seeing their loved one’s body for the first time, attending a funeral, or facing holidays and milestones without them. This process can take weeks, months, or even years.
Processing the Pain of Grief
Grief can affect you emotionally, spiritually, physically, and even existentially. It can feel all consuming.
You might experience deep despair. As the reality of your loss settles in, you may feel helpless or withdrawn. You might not want to be around others or struggle to find meaning.
Adjusting to Life without Your Loved One
A life without your loved one can change your sense of identity. You may feel as though there is a “before” and “after” version of yourself.
During this time, it is common to feel a deep yearning and to seek closeness with your loved one in tangible ways. You might find comfort in holding their belongings—blankets, toys, clothing, artwork, books, or a lock of hair—and thinking about them constantly. This is part of the process of adjusting to life in their physical absence.
Finding an Ongoing Connection with Your Loved One
Over time, many people begin to find ways to carry their loved one’s memory into their life moving forward.
This process—sometimes called reorganization—is when grief becomes more integrated into your daily life. You may notice that your routines have changed and that your life now includes both sorrow and moments of meaning. You carry your loved one with you, even as you continue living.
Paragraph Heading: Grieving as a Family
Grief is both a personal journey and a shared experience within families. Partners, children, and extended family members may all grieve differently—and at times, may not be able to fully support one another. These differences can be difficult to navigate, but they are a natural part of the grieving process. The tips below may help families support one another while honoring their own grief.
Open Communication
In an effort to protect one another, family members—especially parents—may avoid talking about grief. This silence, while well intentioned, can lead to miscommunication, poor coping, and strained relationships over time. Talking openly about your loved one, as well as the emotions that come with grief, has been shown to help families feel more connected and supported.
Respecting Individual Grief Experiences
Each person in a family will express grief differently. Crying, withdrawing, anger, or even moments of joy can all be part of the process. Sometimes, differences in how people grieve may lead to misunderstandings, such as thinking someone did not care as much or has “moved on.” Clarifying how each person is feeling can reduce assumptions and help family members understand and support one another.
Finding Time Together Outside of Grief
While it may feel uncomfortable at first, finding moments to connect through shared activities can bring comfort and strength to a grieving family. Even small joys like sharing a meal, playing a game, or watching a favorite show can provide much-needed connection. It is okay to smile and laugh again—even in the midst of grief.
Being Patient with the Process
Grief does not follow a set timeline. While society may suggest that people “move on” quickly, grief is often a lifelong process that changes over time. Be gentle with yourself and with your family. It’s normal to wish you could feel “better” right away, but healing takes time, and everyone moves through it differently.
Understanding Adaptive Grieving Styles
Grief is shaped by many factors, including personality, culture, and upbringing. One helpful way to understand these differences is through the Adaptive Grieving Styles model, developed by Kenneth Doka and Terry Martin (2000). This model outlines three common ways people experience and express grief: intuitive, instrumental, and blended grieving.
- Intuitive Grieving
Often more emotional and expressive. Individuals may talk frequently about their feelings, cry often, or seek out support groups or community. Common expressions include:
“I cried all night,” or “I’m feeling really sad today.” - Instrumental Grieving
Grief is expressed through actions or physical symptoms rather than words. Individuals may focus on tasks—such as planning a memorial—or may experience physical symptoms like chest pain or shortness of breath. They might say:
“I just need to get through the service,” or “I don’t feel anything, but my body hurts.” - Blended Grieving
Most people fall somewhere in between. A blended griever might both talk about their emotions and channel their grief into tasks or projects. While people tend to lean more toward one style, both are valid and deeply personal.
It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Understanding your own style—and that of your family members—can help reduce conflict and increase empathy during this difficult time.
Reflection Prompt: How Do You Grieve?
Take a moment to think about your own grieving style. How do you typically express your grief—through emotions, actions, or a mix of both? Now, think about the people closest to you. How do their grieving styles compare to yours?
- Do these differences ever lead to tension or misunderstandings?
- How might understanding each other’s styles help you show more patience and compassion—both for yourself and your loved ones?
Remember: There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Intuitive, instrumental, and blended styles are all valid ways of processing loss.
Telling Your Story
Sharing the story of your loss can be a powerful part of honoring your loved one’s legacy. It may also help you begin to make sense of what has happened. While telling your story can be painful at first, it can also bring moments of connection, reflection, and healing. Over time, expressing your thoughts and emotions can help you feel closer to your loved one and bring meaning to their memory.
As you begin, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to pause when you feel overwhelmed. You might need to take breaks, revisit certain parts of your story, or retell moments as you work to understand them. There is no right way or timeline for sharing your experience.
You might begin telling your story by:
- Talking with trusted friends or family
- Creating a memory book or scrapbook
- Writing in a journal or blog
- Speaking with a mental health therapist or grief counselor
However you choose to share your story, know that it belongs to you—and you can tell it in your own time, in your own way.