Adding a new baby to the family can be both joyous and stressful.
“Changes in the family can cause anxiety for children, especially those who are used to their schedules and routine,” explains Dr. Kenneth E. Cohen, a pediatrician with Town and Country Pediatric Associates. “The most important thing for parents to remember is to be patient and keep everything associated with the new baby positive.”
Cohen offers the following advice to help parents help their older child adjust to a new sibling.
Before baby arrives
“Though the baby is very real to you and your spouse, to a toddler or preschooler the idea that mom’s belly will one day become a baby may be a tough leap,” says Cohen. “Keep the explanations simple and concise, but make sure the older child knows about the baby when you tell friends and family so he or she doesn’t feel left out.”
Other things to do include:
- Avoid making big changes to your child’s life, such as toilet training, moving from a crib to a big-kid bed and starting preschool, around the time of baby’s due date. “Schedule these milestone events as far ahead or after the birth as possible, depending on the circumstances, both to give your older child adequate adjustment time and so that the change won’t be associated with his or her new brother or sister’s arrival,” says Cohen.
- Teach your child to use words that convey emotions. Words such as happy, sad and excited will help your child be able to communicate more clearly and lessen frustration.
- Wrap a few small gifts and keep them on hand for your older child to open when friends bring gifts for the new baby, and select a special bigger gift for the baby to give the older sibling when he or she visits the baby at the hospital.
- Talk to your older child about what it was like when he or she was an infant. Look at his or her baby photos and visit friends who have babies so your older child can get a sense of what it will be like to have a baby around.
- Begin instilling a sense of pride in your child about becoming a big brother or big sister. Explain that he or she will be instrumental in teaching the new baby and that you will need his or her help more than ever before.
While mom is in the hospital
- Try to stick to your older child’s daily routine as much as possible.
- Ask family and friends to say hello to your older child before the baby and to talk about how lucky the baby is to have him or her for big brother or big sister.
Give your child a special gift from the baby.
When baby comes home
- Ask your older child to help with things like introducing the baby to visitors, getting baby’s diaper or choosing an outfit for baby to wear.
- Let your older child hold the baby while sitting in a chair or on a sofa with the baby’s head supported by a pillow.
- When both children need you at the same time, show your older child that the baby doesn’t always come first. Though your older child will have to wait most of the time while you help the baby, he or she needs to know that sometimes the baby has to wait too.
- Talk to the baby about how wonderful his big brother or big sister is, and how much the baby will learn from your older child.
- When the baby smiles or coos, interpret the behavior in a positive way for your older child: “The baby is smiling. He only does that when you are here. He really loves being around you.”
- Whether you have 10 minutes or two hours a day of one-on-one time to spend with your older child once the baby arrives, make it count. “It’s not the quantity of time that matters,” explains Cohen. “It’s the quality. Make sure you show and tell your older child how much you – and the new baby – love him or her and what an important role he or she plays in the family.”
