During adolescence, health care is as much about avoiding risky behaviors as fighting
infectious diseases. In fact, the top three killers of America’s teens are motor vehicle
accidents, homicide and suicide. But many of these deaths are preventable – with the help of healthy communication.
Adolescence can be compared to the “terrible twos,” except that teens can act out their independent ideas. Fearing temper tantrums from their teens, many parents fail to set limits. But according to Dr. Amy Middleman, physician in the inpatient clinic at Texas Children’s Adolescent Medicine Center and associate professor of Pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine, adolescents rely on their parents to help them set boundaries, which serve as a safety net they crave.
Often, adolescents don’t want their parents to say “yes” to everything. “Limit-setting is part of love, caring and concern, but a teenager’s trust in this sort of safety net needs to form over time – it depends on cues that parents send their child throughout the growing years,” explains Dr. Middleman.
Most adolescents are just beginning to develop the skills to think abstractly; they lack the ability to anticipate future consequences. For example, many young people can’t imagine the long-term effects of smoking when they hear “cardiovascular disease.” But they can picture a description of yellow fingers, a wrinkled face and a nasty cough.
Parents can help teens anticipate potential problems by talking about them beforehand and helping the teen think through alternatives. For instance, an hour before a teen plans to go out, a parent can initiate a brief talk about what to do if …the driver has been drinking? …they’re invited to a party without parents there? When children lack the life experience to plan ahead or the ego strength to say “no,” they benefit from an adult’s coaching ahead of time.
Parents can prepare teens by rewarding them with responsibility. When establishing rules, parents should consistently show the consequences of following them. Adding privileges – in increasing increments – is a safe way for teenagers to learn responsibility before facing decisions on their own.
Being flexible about adding privileges shows that parents respect their teen. It also demonstrates negotiation as an effective way to find positive solutions.
“When parents negotiate, they model behavior that children can use as they enter the adult phase of their lives,” Dr. Middleman states. “The onus is on the parents to find solutions where both parents and teenagers feel they win.”
